My Dirty Secret

You guys should sit down; I have some potentially shocking information to share with you.  I know it’s hard to tell just by looking at me, but I’m a nerd.  It’s difficult to believe, I know, what with my Game of Thrones cookbook and beer collection and my replica of the One Ring (which is usually reserved only for cool kids) and the way I cancel social events to play video games, but it’s true.  I’m a bonafide geek.

This is my spirit animal. [Image courtesy of RetroPlanet.com]

This is my spirit animal. [Image courtesy of RetroPlanet.com]

I used to be really insecure about it.  Apparently, popularity in high school is inversely proportional to how many Douglas Adams books you own minus the number of times you’ve read the Lord of the Rings preface through appendixes.  Then divide by how many limited edition box sets you have in your collection.  But now I accept it as just another part of who I am.  When I left that weird little bubble that was going to a high school in the town that inspired Stepford Wives, I realized that there’s a whole wide world out there that’s totally okay with who I am.

The J.Crew logo was a popular tattoo option at my high school.

The J.Crew logo was a popular tattoo option at my high school.

More importantly, what I’ve learned as I’ve matured and grown into my own skin is that my being okay with who I am is more important than other people’s opinion of it.  Interestingly, the more okay I am with the fan-fiction I write and the hours I spend watching Let’s Plays on Youtube [if you don’t know what a Let’s Play is, you need to get on my level], the more others seem to accept it.  Even when I tell people that I did a LARP (or Live Action Role Playing event, for the uninitiated), people were curious and enthusiastic when I spoke about it openly and matter-of-factly.  I guess you could call it “confidence.”  Growing up, I never imagined I would be able to call myself “confident” since I’ve always been painfully shy (which is a post in itself) and a bit uncomfortable in my own body.

I suppose I’m really more of a geek than a nerd (although my Youtube subscriptions do include science channels in addition to makeup how-to’s and video games – and nothing else).  I’m a fan of a lot of things, and a fairly passionate one.  I started knitting chain into jewelry to channel my love for all things medieval-fantasy.  The Sims (which admittedly lessens my overall nerd-cred) has gotten almost as much money from me as my music career.

The Sims….  That’s a bit of an addiction actually.  I’ve been trying to write a post specifically about the Sims and my crippling need for it for months now, but then I just wind up playing the game for hours instead.  I lose whole days to it.  Last night, I sat eating chips while my Sim went jogging.  I’m working on broke, but my Sim is making $67 an hour!  As a rock star.  Who also owns a bakery.  She’s super cool.  She never goes out in sweatpants like I do.

These little lines of code live more than I do.

These little lines of code live more than I do.

I suppose to fully integrate my geek-doms I should make my LARP character on the Sims and have her live with the entire cast of Game of Thrones while Doctor Who plays in the background and I struggle my way through The Silmarillion.  But unfortunately my HDMI cable isn’t long enough to reach the TV from the couch so I can either play computer games or watch TV, and never the twain at once.  What a tragedy.

But at the end of the day, the takeaway from all of this is be who you are and own it.  That made all the difference for me and it’s why I’m coming out of the nerd closet where I keep all my game discs and that one table-top game I own.  Don’t be embarrassed about your fandom or passion.  If you write poetry then be proud that you write poetry!  If you can name every kind of dinosaur known to man, good on you!  If you’re into Furries, that’s… great?  But if it’s what makes you happy and it isn’t harming anyone else, why should you be anything but enthusiastic about it?

Trust me – geek is the new chic.